Index of HumourNet Collages

I'd like to extend a huge thanks to Ed Kotler in El Cajon, California, for dutifully compiling this ENTIRE list for HumourNet. (I had no idea I had run this *much* material over the years.)

I'd also like to extend a similarly-huge thanks to Jean-Michel Fontaine in Echirolles, France, for converting Ed's entire text file into the HTML-ized version you see here.

Without a doubt, HumourNet has the best subscriber base of any list on the Internet. :-)

- Vince Sabio
  HumourNet Moderator

HumourNet: Anyone Without a Sense Of Humor Is At The Mercy Of The Rest Of Us.

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The Parachute Paradigm:

Husband Suspects Wife

CFI & Student

Santa & Sleigh

Australian Aviation

Slogans For Delta Air Lines

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Tower Talk

Air Carrier Operations

IFR In Germany

Tower Hispanic

Tower Student Pilot

Justice Prevails

Aircraft-Space Systems-Missiles

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Top Forty-Two Reasons Why Captain Kirk Is Better Than Captain Picard

Blind Bungee Jump

Caffienated Soft Drinks:


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Kirk Vs. Picard: The Adventure Continues

Top One Hundred Reasons Why Captain Kirk Is Better Than Captain Picard 2

If Operating Systems Were Airlines

Heaven Is Where The Police

Physics Breakthrough

The Great Ghz Grape Game

Collage 005

Window Programmers

The Top Ten Signs You're At A Bad Star Trek Convention

Top Ten Trek 'April Fools Jokes'

Top Ten Reasons It's Great To Be A Borg

If Lawyers Wrote Proverbs

Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Women

Donny Osmond Admits To Sexual Excesses

Collage 006

The Pentium Fdiv Bug

Top Ten New Intel Slogans For The Pentium

The Top Ten Reasons To Buy A Pentium Machine

A.Joke....Ru Pentium

November Election Results May Be Due To Intel Pentium Bug

What 'Pentium' Stands For

Intel Engineers

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Church Announcements

Microsoft Bids To Acquire Catholic Church

And Now For More Pentium Humour

2001: A Space Oddessy_ With My Robot Friends

Hal Had A Personality Problem

Motorola Ad Campaign

Intel Inside

Chip Called Intel Inside

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Roadmap File: Flame War

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Mac Pc Illiterate

Grays' Involvement In Cryptography And National Security

Devoid Of Religion

Origin Unknown (Molly Ivins

Las Vegas, Nevada--Police

Nike Has A Television Commercial

October, 1993--Europa Times

Oklahoma Supreme Court

Bagels In The Workplace Policy

Guns In The Home Found To Increase Risk Of Death.

A.Vapid Death

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Did You Ever Stop To Do The Calculations?

The Twelve Days Of Christmas:


Intel: Where "A Little" Really *Can* Mean "A Lot"!

Politically-Correct Computer Virus?

Collage 011

Pc Primer

Pc Lexicon

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Why God Never Received Tenure At Any University

How To Handle Stress

Make Out Your Chopin Liszt

Cyberpunk's Signature Block

Kenny Rogers Once Said:

"Walkin' Round In Women's Underwear"

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Politically Correct Christmas - Bah Hum Bug

"Gods Rest Ye, Unitarians" (UU Version)

The Net Before Christmas

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Intel Corp. Reorganizes Line Of Popular Pentium Processors

Mary Louise Gilman

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Top 10 Signs Santa Doesn't Like Your Kid

High School Math Proficiency Exam

Rules For "Indoor Golf"

Dear Ann Landers, Col 15

Mac Users

Unix Programmer's Manual


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New Intel Slogans:

This Gem Came From The Mac-L List Mfwic:

Nebulous Neutrons Near

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More From The Estrogen Brigade? ...

You'd Better Watch Out,

Announcing A Exciting New Tool For Data Center Management!

Open The Pod Bay Doors, Please, Hal...

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Driver's License

Did You Know Who, In 1923

"This Is True" Column

Collage 019

Police Find British Burglars Safe And Sound

World's First Yak Sperm Bank Opens In Tibet

Transmitting This Week From Portola Valley

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New Virus Outbreaks

Quotes 20

Workplace Hazardous Materials

Collage 021

This Is Nasa Headline News

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Bill Gates

Dog Licking Balls

Abortion Clinics

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30 Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life

Quotes 23

Qa Limbuaugh

Dream On" File

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Creative Answering Machine Messages

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Just In Case You Were Planning A Trip ...

Get Smart" Movies:

Similarity Between Rush Limbaugh

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Useful Phrases To Know When Traveling Through Arab Countries

New Jersey's Driver-License

Duckberg Times

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Holy Writhings

Decaffeinated Christ?

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Top 10 Reasons To Become A Teacher

Wise Sayings Of America's Great Political Leaders

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In The Beginning, God Created Heaven And Earth ...

John Bobbit's Prayer

More Signatures ...

Top 10 Sexually Tilted Lines From "Star Wars":

Top 10 Sexually Tilted Lines From "The Empire Strikes Back":

Top 10 Sexually Tilted Lines From "Return Of The Jedi":

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No Entry

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Dial M For Mother

Mother Of All Grease Fires

What Not To Write On Your Security Clearance Form

Legal In All 50 States!

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Reasons Sheep Are Better Than Women

More Stuff From The Aeronautics Archives:

Still More From The Archives:

Accidental Accident Reports

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The Original "Santa Physics" Proposal:

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Glossary For Research Papers

Backwoods Fusion

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Quotes 35

The Latest In "No Fear" Wear:

Qa Birth Control

The Present

Microsoft Clarifies Trademark Policies

How To Tell If Yout Head's About To Blow Up

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Giraffe Poll By Journalist

Fun With Grapes - A Case Study

Why Proofreading Is Important

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All About Spam

The Biology Instructor

Business Section Of The Kansas City Star

Deep Thoughts Jack Handey C37

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No Entry

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Here's One From The Grease Man:Golf

New Course Offerings At Western Michigan University:

Mattel New Barbie Line

Resume For God

A.Typical Daily Pbs Schedule

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Peter's Laws

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Tell This One To The Prohibitionists

If Operating Systems Drove Your Car

New List Announcements

Fun Things To Do In A Final

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Major Christian Radio Network

Sylvester Graham

Cruiser Of The U.S. Navy

Befuddled Pc Users Flood Help Lines,And No Question Seems To Be Too Basic

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Surprised While Burgling A House In Antwerp

Defunct Merchant Bank

Lost And Found

Collage 044

Clutch Problem On Motorcycle,

Actual Newspaper Headlines

Linda Branagan Is An Expert On Daemons

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No Entry

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Windows 95 Coolest

Naming The '686

Mac User's Perspective

Ms-Dos Is Calvinistic

The Ballad Of The Bobbit Hillbillies

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Preliminary Draft Of The Dsm-V Committee On Cyberdisorders


And This One From Mac-L:

Bumper Stickers! C47

Flame" Form

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Awesome Quotes

Top 20 Engineers' Terminologies

Unitarian Universalist Jokes

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What To Do With All Those "Free" Soaps When Travelling ...

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More Internet "Sigs" C50

More Unitarian Universalist (Uu) Humour.

Qa Blimp

Beer Vs. Cucumbers!

Real Programmers

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Real Programmers, Part Ii

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What If People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers?

The Night Before Christmas

Jack And Martha Short Of Cash

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Bill Gates In Heaven

You Might Be A Redneck If 1

Qa Chicken

More Sigs:

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No Entry

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You're Probably A Redneck If 2 (152)

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The Real Programmer At Work

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The Dr. Seuss Purity Test

Top Ten Things New Yorkers Like About Spring

If Product Warning Labels Were Written By Physicists ...

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Top Twenty Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex:

A.Byte At A Time

More Unitarian Universalist Humor C58

Chicken Salad Sandwich

Woman With Twins

Top Ten Signs You've Hired A Bad Accountant:

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No Entry

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The Japanese Won By A Mile!!!

A.Dog Named "Sex"

The Boy And The Frog

Pcs For Guns

Programmer's Prayer

Skier Humor

More Internet Sigs C60

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Female-To-English Dictionary

Beans Beans Beans

Ode To Steve"--A Poem, By Deborah

More Viruses

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Why I Fired My Secretary

Meeting Tech

Library Memo

Top 10 Signs You Are An Internet Geek

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Men And Women Are Not Alike!

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Why The Internet Is Like A Penis:

Top 10 Signs You Are An Internet Geek (Dupl)

One-Day Stress Diet

Making New Friends

Honk If You Love Jesus

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Microsoft Unveils New Joe-Bob(Tm) Software

Genesis, Chapter 1, Release 2.0

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Very Old Man

3.Guys On Empire State Bldg

6th-Grade Science Report

Norse Gods Decided To Have An Orgy

God Put Me On Earth

Jesus Christ (Jc), Moses, And A Gnarly Old Man

A.Man Was Fishing Off His Boat

These Two Ladies Were Fishing Partners

Here's A Quick Irish Joke

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Visually-Impaired Humour

Qa Blind

Two Race Track Horses

Verbal Bloopers

Collage 068

"Men Who Use Computers Are The New Sex Symbols Of The `90s"

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No Entry

Collage 070

"Battle Hymn Of Term Finals"

The Final Exam

Collage 071

Signs That Exams Are Upon Us

Dos Poetry?

Application To Live In Cecil County

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Engineering Problem Solving

Dieter's Prayer

Best Raisin Nut Cake Ever

The World According To Kids

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Rules For Hotel Guests

A.Grandchild's Guide To Using Grandpa's Computer

101 Easy Ways To Say No

Collage 074

Seminars For Men

Copy Of An Actual Card Handed Out

God An Adam

Real Answers Dmv Cal

Collage 075

Family Vacation

Noted Biologist

You Really Don't Wanna Know ...

Really Skimpy Skirt

Signature Lines

Collage 076

No Entry

Collage 077

Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide!

"Boys Just Want To Have Guns"

Ecumenical Gathering,

Poor Excuses

Collage 078

New Politically-Correct Phrases

Prize Pig

Absurd Warning Labels

Collage 079

How Miracles Reallly Happen

Honesty, Attorney Style

Electrical Humor

Understanding Oregon's Weather And Ski Reports

Good Times" Virus Hoax

Top Ten Other Reasons People Are Suing Mcdonald's

Top Ten Ways To Make The Kentucky Derby More Exciting

Collage 080

Darwin Award Nomination

Stupid-Criminal Hall Of Shame

Collage 081

Top 10 Things People Think The 95 In Windows 95 Really Stands For

Microsoft Renames Windows 95: Winever Is Born!

Windoze Source Code

More Source Code ..

So You've All Heard Of Os/2 Warp

President's "War On Dos

Is Windows A Virus ?

Geek Humor

Collage 082

No Entry

Collage 083

Fcc To Regulate The Internet

Top Ten Signs The N.Y.P.D. Is Out Of Control

Top Ten Joey Buttafuoco's Summer Fun Tips

Top Ten Signs You're Addicted To Caffeine

Top Ten Reasons America Is The Greatest Country On Earth

Top Ten Boutros Boutros-Ghali Pick-Up Lines

Collage 084

The Merits Of Circular Logic

God On The Internet

Household Physics

Miscellaneous Humor ...

Death Of A Windows '95 Programmer

The Last 10 Things Any Woman Would Ever Say:

Collage 085

Car Acronyms

Man & Woman On Airplane

How Big Is The Internet?

British Socialized Medicine

Minus One

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Snail Joke

God Calls Bill Gates, Etc

Old Man Walks Into The University Offices

The Ceo

Tourist Questions

Collage 087

Why Cucumbers Are Better Than Men

Collage 088

Computer Terms

More Definitions

Ill Legislators

President Of Eu

Farmer In Hotel

Arkansan On Sea Cruise

Husband Fun

Qa Midget

Permanent Erection

Collage 089

Seven Software Companies Added To "Watch List"

Polish Jew In Warsaw

Management Review Of Writing Style

Two Old Men Walking

Woman Gets Rich W/O Resorting

Collage 090

Who's On First?

Collage 091

Augustine's Laws

Collage 092

No Entry

Collage 093

Top Ten Bob Dole Complaints About Hollywood

Top Ten Rejected Disney Movie Titles

Top Ten Proposed New Baseball Rules

Top Ten Things Newt & Clinton Said To Each Other Under Their Breath

Top Ten Michael Jackson Marriage Tips

Top Ten Orlando Magic Excuses

Collage 094

Super-Model Super Smarts

More Blonde Jokes

Collage 095

Going To College?

Dilbert Index

Collage 096

Nuclear Picnic

Collage 097

No Entry

Collage 098

Actual Announcements Taken From Church Bulletins

More Uu Humor

God And The Legislative Branch

Special High Intensity Training

Anything's Possible

Collage 099

A Learned Disquisition On Procedurals

Newbie E-Mail Attempts

The Lesser-Known Programming Languages, Lesson #18

Construction Workers

Collage 100

Why Coffee Is Better Than Women

God's Total Quality Management Questionnaire

Quotes On The Nature Of The Universe

Collage 101

Man On Moon

Revised Retirement Plan

Male-To-English Dictionary

Degradation Of Nomex Flight Suits

Engineering Joke

Collage 102

O.J. Alibis

Oj Qa

Top Ten Things That Will Get You Kicked Off The O.J. Jury

Top Ten Ways To Speed Up The O.J. Trial

Top Ten Signs O.J.'S Lawyers Have Given Up

Collage 103

No Entry

Collage 104

Old Man In Las Vegas

Top Ten Rejected Disney Movie Titles

The Preacher Came To Call

A.Man Walks Into A Restaurant

Reality Is For People Who Can't Handle Star Trek.

International Awareness

Highway Hitchhiking

Nun In Cab In Ny

Collage 105

101 Ways To Be Obnoxious On Usenet

Collage 106

Six Drown Trying To Rescue Chicken

Man Placed Flowers On Grave

Horror Movie Character Survival Guide

Old Time Religion

Collage 107

Declaration Of Independence--Response To Proposal

Strange Sex Laws

Collage 108

Couple In Dr Office

Some Good News, And Some Bad News.

Qa Bonus

Bar Exam

Old Country Farmer

Old English Lady

Vermont Application

Collage 109

No Entry

Top Ten Reasons Playing Hockey Is Better Than Having Sex:

A.First-Time Parent

Father Murphy's Fund-Raising Problem

You" Might Be A Redneck If ..." (The Adventure Continues)

Jones Law

Freshman Student Of Archaeology

Police In Park


Hugh Grant Interview

Bad Headlines

Collage 110

Parachute Jump

Golf Vs Skydiving

Old Days Sex Was Safe

Lawyers V. Chemical Waste

The Perils Of Piety

How Do You Say...?

An American Tourist

Thar's Danger In Them Thar Holes!

Modern Indian Weather Prediction

Collage 111

Survival Guidelines For Visiting New York City

Top Ten Reasons Why Computers Are Better Than Girlfriends:

Iraq Jokes

The Current Shortages In Cuba Do Produce Jokes:

Intourist Ad

Shipwrecked On Desert Island

Interesting Euphemisms

Divorce, Newfoundland ("Newfie") Style

Collage 112

Hell At 10 Below

House To Downsize Solar System

Collage 113

A Los Angeles Radio Dj Shortly After The 1990 Earthquake:

In Nynex Telephone Directory:

A.Law In Kansas

Canadian Host Of A Childrens' Tv


Lawyer Dies Of Heart Attack

Qa Oral Sex

Unattached Office Girls

Qa Hurricane

Tales Of Parenthood

Religious Views Of Life

Two Tall Trees Are Growning

Collage 114

Top Ten Ways To Make Hockey More Exciting

Top Ten Signs Your Camp Counselor Is Nuts

Top Ten Other Ways Saddam Hussein Can Improve His Image

Top Ten Signs Yeltsin's Health Is Improving

Top Ten Ways To Discourage Teens From Smoking

Top Ten Ways The U.S. Would Be Different If It Were Owned By Disney

Top Ten Signs Of Sloppiness In The L.A.P.D. Crime Lab

Top Ten Items On The Westinghouse "To Do" List

Top Ten Mtv Video Music Award Categories Michael Jackson Is Nominated In

Top Ten Michael Jackson Marriage Tips

Top Ten Things Revealed In Newt Gingrich Expose

Collage 115

Qa Iraqi Pilot

Hymie Had A Mistress

Four Women Asked Same Question

Qa Sperm

New Scientist

New England Farmers

No Ice In Cafeteria

Police In Small Town

Good Man Dies

Sydney Morning Herald

Seven Dwarfs In Church

Which Does Not Belong

Prognosis Joke

Collage 116

News Of The Weird, 1995

Father Gives Advice To Son

Flying Across Pacific

Cycling In Country Lane

Farmer Sitting On Porch

Collage 117

More Legal Lunacy

More True Facts 117

Panda Semantics

Collage 118

Disney Round Table

Collage 119

More On Ted Kennedy

The Assassin

A.Simple Introduction To Work ....

Collage 120

Wile E Coyote Sues

Collage 121

Creative Housekeeping

Ivy-League Lightbulb Jokes:

Doctor's Orders

Courtroom Exchange

Signs As Seen In Foreign Countries ...

Mother Superior

Collage 122

Poor Planning

The Gorilla

Collage 123

Twenty [Five] Something Betters"

Rules For Teachers, Circa 1915

Things To Keep In Mind

Medical Terminology For Non-Doctors

The Novices' Guide To Using The Men's Room

The Field Guide To Recognizing Poopie

Collage 124

Windoze 95 Ad-Campaign Song Picks

Shawn's Sig

If Operating Systems Were Airlines ...

Collage 125

In Ireland, County Cavan

Seen Somewhere On The 'Net

Police Blotter

Qa Accountant

A.Cowboy Is Riding

Letter From A Wife To Her Pc-Using Husband

When A Man Pulled Two Guns

A.Farmer Get Pigs Pregnant

Collage 126

The Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

Lunch, À La Hp

Collage 127

Microsoft Windows 95 Stuns World

Bill Gates Dies (Again!)

The Micosoft/Mcdonalds Connection

Top 10 Rolling Stones Songs That Would Be More Appropriate Than

Collage 128

College Entrance Exam: Football Player Version

50 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator

30 Ways To Be Offensive At A Funeral

Collage 129

If Men Got Pregnant:

Little Red Riding Hood And The Big Bad Wolf

Advertisements That Didn't Convey The Intended Message....

Application For Permission To Live In Massachusetts

Title: Marriage

Collage 130

Top Ten Surprises In The Mark Fuhrman Tapes

Top Ten Screw Ups In The O.J. Simpson Defense

Top Ten Other Reasons Judge Ito Might Step Down

More Newfie Humor

Replacing The Alternator In An Oldsmobile

Qa Gates

A.Guide To Safe Fax

Collage 131

The Types Of People You Might Meet In The Men's Room

Urinal Protocol

Collage 132

46 Things That Never Happen In Star Trek

We Didn't Start The Series

54 Reasons Why Captain Janeway Is Better Than Captain Picard

Collage 133

Types Of People You Might Meet In The Men's Room

Qa Tough Woman


Management Deity Ltd.

Never Gonna Stay In Your Hotella No More

Some Things You Don't Want To Have To Say On A Date ...

Collage 134

Top Ten Surprises In The Packwood Diaries

Psychiatrists Say

Victor, After A Long, Hard Day's Work

New Government Travel Regulations

A.Boy And His Dad Are Walking Through The Park

British Children's Answers To Church School Questions

More From The Police Blotter

Improbable Research Summaries

Plagiarism Is An Impossibility"

Collage 135

Bald Man's Convention

The Politically-Correct Little Red Riding Hood

Tips For Healthy Arguments

Team Was Doing Poorly

A.Girl Goes Into The Doctor's Office For A Checkup

There Was This Really Overweight Guy

Cia New Ad

Collage 136

A Southerner Moves Up North


Collage 137

Nelex Response Letters

Student Bloopers

Collage 138

O.J. Trial Update

Qa Lawyer

Hottest New Book:

Defense Lawyer

Receptionist At The Lawyers Office

Pierre Was Celebrating His Silver Wedding Anniversary

Collage 139

A Girl's Guide To Geek Guys

Collage 140

Pullet Surprise

More English Mis-Translations

How To Hunt Elephants

Collage 141

Boston Driver's Handbook

Never Have A Bad Day Alone

Qa Clinton Vs Cow

Ap Clinton 92 Campaign

Zookeeper Asks Big Fellow

Are Your Kids On Drugs?

Collage 142

Amusing Sig Lines

Tee Shirts Seen Recently

Penguin Entertainment

Unabomber, Eat Your Heart Out ...

The Ten Commandments Of Mastering Your Pc:

Field Guide To Spotting The Computer Impaired

Gard's Laws On Love

Collage 143

Dan Q. Strikes Again

Dan Q. Strikes Again Dynamic Discourse

Clinton, Gingrich, Packwood See Wizard Of Oz

Reagan Called For Drug Testing In White House

Spousal Tiff ...

The Last Frontier

Sluggo Press Release

More News Of The Weird .143

Collage 144

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

An Improved Chain Letter

Collage 145

Wondering If Windows 95 Will Live Long And Phosphor

100 Ways To Annoy Your Roommate (Abridged Version)

Collage 146

Rita Rudner's Facts About Men

Murphy's Laws On Sex

Collage 147

Electrical Engineering Vs. Computer Science

The Car-Crash Paradigm

Top 20 Engineers' Terminologies

Collage 148

Top Ten Ways Things Would Be Different If Microsoft Built Cars:

Top Ten Changes Bill Gates Wants At Cnn

You Know You're An Internet Addict When ...

High-Tech Computer Sales Jargon

Collage 149

If Operating Systems Were Beers...

A.New Unix Utility

Collage 150

Nyu Application

You Just Might Be A Grad Student If

A.Day In The Life Of A Grad Student

Collage 151

The Cat Test

Collage 152

Firing Time

Speaking Of Which:

Politics Made Simple

Politics Made Simpler

The Country Member

Nookie Greene?

B*Tchin Nuns

Collage 153

Dirty Johnny Rides Again

A.Class Full Of Listless Students

Teach The Alphabet To Her Class

Selections From W. Va Aptitude Test

Pythagorean's Theorem

Collage 154


The Definition Of Sh*T

Collage 155

The Three Little Pigs (Politically Correct Version)

Selected Pc Phrases

White Male Oppression Awareness Month

Collage 156


Are You Man Enough?

Collage 157

Dating Dictionary

Cheesy Pick Up Lines

The Last 10 Things Any Man Would Ever Say:

The Last 10 Things Any Woman Would Ever Say

Thoughts On Divorce

Collage 158

Teachers Get Paid Too Much

English Simplified

Children's Ideas About Love

Collage 159

The Psychiatric Hotline

Chicken Physics

Operation Cat Drop

Collage 160

You Might Be A "High-Tech Redneck" If ...

You Know You're Too Serious About Computers

You Know You've Been On The Computer Too Long ...

Top Ten Signs That You Are "Webbed Out"

Twinkie Casserole

Collage 161

Woman Accused Of Sitting On Ex-Boyfriend For Two Hours

Don't Let This Happen To You!

Consumer Reports' "Guide To Selecting Girlfriends"

Collage 162

Subscribe Bawdy.Net

Good One, Dr. Seuss

More O.J. Jokes

More On Discourse On Lawyers

More Weird Laws 161

Terrible Truths (And Other Principles Of Disaster)

Collage 163

The Correct Spelling Of Mohel

More Mohel Practice

Rabbi Wisdom

Jewish Mothers' Wisdom

More On Jewish Mothers' Wisdom

The Jewish Golfer

More Jewish Wisdom

Jewish Religion And God

More On Jewish Religion And God

Qa Alszheimer

How To Make Jewish Jokes More P.C. ...

Collage 164

Rollerblade Barbie

Collage 165

Windows '95 Marketing Source Code

Collage 166

The 1995 Ig-Nobel Prizes

Vampire Protection

Collage 167

Playing With Pavlov ...

Breast Aerobics And The Mammogram

Super Sex?

Parrot Tale

The Infinite Force Meets The Immovable Object ...

More Weird Stories..167

Collage 168

Horror Movie Character Survival Guide

Top Ten Reasons Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex

Health-Conscious Vampires?

20 Ways To Confuse Trick-Or-Treaters:

Halloween Plunkin ...

Collage 169

Subj: Lawyer Laughs

The Court Will Now Come To Disorder ...

A.Good Start ("Take" Two)

Collage 170

Singles' Perks

Why Softball Is Better Than Sex (Or, "Why I Need To Get A Life")

How To Spoil A Really Nice Evening (Version 1)

Collage 171

Dial "M" For Mother

Proof By Counter-Example

This Can't Be True ...

Police Blotter

News Of The Weird, October 6, 1995

Collage 172

The New Math

More Dirty Johnny

Critical Thinking 101

Collage 173

Windoze '95 Virus

The Man From Microsoft

Collage 174

Effective Use Of The Legal Dept.

The Best Lies In Skydiving (Abridged Version)

Effective Drop Zone Management 101: Dealing With Sissies

Awesome Ground Rush

Some Thoughts On Air Travel

Collage 175

Communication, Italian Style ("A Letter From Loretta")

Divorce, Italian Style

Skydiving, Italian Style

Exorcism, Italian Style

Italian Opera, American Style

More Italian Humor

Collage 176

Situation Adaptability Evaluation For Military Mid-Management Personnel

Murphy's Laws Of Combat Operations

Collage 177

On Efficient Use Of Landfills

On Efficient Use Of Grey Matter

The Lesser Of Two Evils

Arkansas State Residency Application (Or, "If You Pass This

More Thoughts On The Political Scene

A. Really

Bum Rap

Collage 178

New Computer Virus!

Golfing Partnership From Hell

O.J. Q.N.A.

Dine With Lance

Qa Kato Kaelin

More O.J. & Dr. Seuss 178

Collage 179

Solid Proof That Animals Have Feelings, Too

But It Was Only A Peek ...

Minor Error ...

The Finer Points Of Having A Bad Day

Delusions Of Grandeur

Collage 180


News We Just Couldn't Pass Up

And Still More News ...

Collage 181

Urban Archaeology

Nasa Press Release

Collage 182

Girls: America Loves 'Em!

Collage 183

Santa Physics

Rebuttal To "Santa Physics"

Collage 184

She Drives For A Relationship, He's Lost In The Transmission

Collage 185

Right-Sizing The North Pole

The Gingrinch That Stole Congress

Collage 186

Top Ten Reindeer Complaints

Holly-Day Humor

Top Ten Least Loved Christmas Stories

Politically-Correct Christmas Songs

The Politically-Correct "Night Before Christmas"

Collage 187

Joint Announcement Nih

How To Properly Handle Rejection

The Sword Cuts Both Ways ...

How Not To Take A Final Exam

Universal Grade-Change Form ...

26 Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order (Was 100)

Collage 188

How To Confuse Your Local Air-Traffic Controllers

No Brainer

More Hot-Line Humor

Please Read The Directions Carefully ...

Great New Weight Loss Method

Collage 189

The Litigious Night Before Christmas

Lawyers At Work

Experts V. Lawyers V. Judges

Keeping Priorities Straight

One Less Lawyer


More On Lawyer Integrity

More Lawyer Q-N-A

Collage 190

Twas The Night Before Finals

Twas The Night Before Christmas, Brooklyn Version

Twas The Night Before Christmas, Geek Version

The Twelve Bugs Of Christmas

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town ... And He's A Unix Geek!

Collage 191

Trek" Lingo Made Easy

Twas The Night Before Christmas, Star Trek Version

More Dr. Seuss

Collage 192

No Intelligent Life?

Some Guidelines For Bank Robbers

New Barbie Dolls To Represent The Diversity Of Women In The 90s

California Computer Viruses

Collage 193

The Twelve Days Of Christmas--Politically-Correct Version :-(

Top Ten Least-Safe Holiday Gifts For Kids

Ten Things That Sound Dirty On Christmas (But Aren't)

The Present

Renewing Santa's Commercial License

Top 10 Signs Santa Doesn't Like Your Kid

Collage 194

Douglas Adams On Windows '95 (The Expurgated Version)

Star Trek Lost Episodes" Transcript

The Intellectual Proletariat

Collage 195

Rudolph Flies For Ups

Rusty Chevrolet

Walkin' Round In Women's Underwear"

Damn Dog

Collage 196

Lawyers At Work

If You're Not Smart Enough To Get Out Of Jury Duty ...

Collage 197

Where The Fast Lane Is As Good As The Rut"

Collage 198

Top Ten Reasons For Attending Grad School

New Courses For Spring '96

Student Satisfaction Surveys

Graduate-Student Chain Letter

Collage 199

The Doctor's Vocabulary

Computer Terms

Standard Phrases For Academic Appraisal

All-New Terms

Collage 200

Top Ten Santa Pick-Up Lines--Version One

Top Ten Santa Pick-Up Lines--Version Two

Hanukkah Top 10

Paying Off Those Holiday Bills

Cat Story

Collage 201

Your Basic No-Frills Joke

Qa Four Legs

I.Hate It When They Do That ...

Um ...

Misc Humor

Cannibal Humor

Harley Humor

Psychic Doom

More One-Liners (".Sigs") From The 'Net

More Redneck Humor

The Importance Of Having A Good Hand

The English Re-Invasion

More Humor 201

Collage 202

The "Pc Primer"

Pc Guide Update

Politically-Correct Humor

Collage 203

Outtakes ...

A.Running Commentary On The Legal Profession

Collage 204

Similarities Between Jesus And Elvis

Rd Humor

The Advantages Of Being Big!

The Five Stages Of Drinking

Collage 205

Dashing Through The Snow - Poem

Rules Of The Road In India

Humor: Rolls-Royce

Collage 206

Cartoon Laws Of Physics

Star Trek Crew Meets The Road Runner

Collage 207

Clinton Deploys Vowels To Bosnia

Raw Meat

Collage 208

Inclement Weather Policy

Age And Guile Beats Youth And Skill

More Farmland Humor

Football Rules From Various Political Structures

Collage 209

Undocumented Windoze-95 Error Codes!

Microsoft/Windows95 Product Announcement

The Ultimate Downgrade

M.A.C.I.N.T.O.S.H. Explained

Collage 210

Billy's Letters

From The Book Of Microsoft

Microsoft Positioning System (Mps)

Collage 211

Managed Caring

With Friends Like That ...

When Superheroes Go Bad

Collage 212

Three Women Go Shopping

Hitting Below The Belt

Dogs Vs. Men

How Dogs And Men Are The Same

Why Men Are Better Than Dogs

Under The Category, "Men Are So Stupid"

The Number One Reason For Gun Control

Collage 213

Famous Last Words

Quotes On The Nature Of The Universe

Collage 214

Dave Barry's Electricity Theory

Telecommunications Dictionary

Collage 215

Blonde Woman Had To Go To The Dentist.

Bad Ideas, Masculine Version, Take One

Bad Ideas, Masculine Version, Take Two

Marriage Humor 215

A.Decade Of Peace And Quiet

More Thoughts On Marriage

Sleeping With The Enemy

Collage 216

To Marry Or Not To Marry (In India)

The Guyness Test

Collage 217

She's Really Taking It Hard ...

Weird News Stories

Collage 218

Police Called To Arrest A Stark Naked Passenger

How To Tell If You're Throwing A Successful Party

Let's Finally Get To The Issue: Snakes

Collage 219

Unusual Interviews

Excuses To Give Your Boss

Southern California Edison's Other Operation ...

The Engineers' Song

Collage 220

Another Rewarding Aol Experience

Diary Of An Aol User

Collage 221

Top 10 Non-Essential Government Employees

Trading Up

Smarter Than The Average Rock

Bill Of Lefts

Advice From Abe

Collage 222

The History Of The World -- Kids' Version

Collage 223

Q: Where Are We?

More Laughs At The Kids' Expense :-)

More Indications Of Educational Shortcomings

Top Ten Signs Your Parent-Teacher Conference Isn't Going Well

Collage 224

Bubba's User Manual

Programming In C And Unix

Collage 225

Weird Aeronews

Airplanes And The Military

Puddle Jumping

Not All Wrights Are Natural Pilots

Seinfeld On Air Travel

Murphy's Laws For Frequent Flyers

Pilots' Hell

Fly The Friendly Skies

Collage 226

Top Ten Reasons Why Studying Is Better Than Sex

Top Ten Subtle Differences Between Cmu And Hell

How To Perk Up A Boring Lecture

One Helluva Student Loan

The College Food Chain

Top Ten Lies Told By Grad Students

Collage 227

You Might Be A Conservative If ...

You Might Be Liberal If ...

Collage 228

Vermonters, Marylanders, And Winter Driving

Driving In Seattle: A Visitor's Primer

Collage 229

Man's 911 Call Prevents His Own Burglary

One Down, Two To Go

Man Using Gun To Hammer Nail Shoots Self And Wife

Man Targeting Woodpeckers Shoots Self Instead

All Those Numbers Can Get So Confusing

With Friends Like These ...

Police Car Plays Taxi, Gives Lift To Jail


Collage 230

The Top Ten Assisted Suicides We'd Like To See ...

Spotting The Dolly

Diving Humor

Aussie Guns

I.Wonder Whom They Hired?

U.N. Approves Air Strikes On Tonya Harding

1996: The Year In Review

Collage 231

Top Ten Things To Not Say To A Cop When You're Pulled Over ...

More Help From The Bobbies

Man Who Barked At Police Dog Now Must Answer In Court

Training Aids

Smuggler Of The Year

Virgin Recruits

Where's Lorena When You Need Her?

Collage 232


Weird Sports News

A.Skier's Dictionary

Collage 233

How To Be Annoying

How Cold Is It? (The Expanded Version)

The Sociopathic Obsessive-Compulsive's Checklist

Collage 234

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

The Star Trek Writer's Construction Kit

Your Starship Captain Just Might Be A Redneck If ...

Collage 235

Hacking Through The Jargon Jungle

Computers & The 'Net -- Explained!

Software Version Numbering Scheme Revealed

Signs Your Spouse Is Having An Affair By Computer

Collage 236

War Zone

Troops Sell Tank After A Drinking Binge

The Unkindest Cut Of All

Collage 237

You Might Be A Physics Major If ...

Physics Redefined

Flying Cats!

Collage 238

References To Olympic Games

A.Week At The Gym

Office Exercise

Improved Rules For Golf

Collage 239

If Brains Were Bird Droppings, We'd Have A Clean Cage

Assisting The Profoundly Stupid


The Facts Of Life

Bad Investment

Collage 240

Toaster Humor

New Tv Shows For Isp Professionals

If Computers Had Personalities...

Elephant Crossing

Collage 241

Military Linguistics

Another Perspective On Military Intelligence

Battle Of The Metaphors

Additions To Murphy's Laws Of Combat Operations

Rules Of The Rucksack

Martial Law

Collage 242

Advertising On The 'Net For The Profoundly I.Q. Impaired

Those Wacky Southerners Just Don't Give Up ...

Acme U-Do-It Sig

The Programmer's Sig

Ordering Priorities

Employee E-Mail Disclaimer, Stochastic-Process Version

Not Another Bake Sale ...

Better Idiots


Revised Quality Goal?

The Bad News


The Truth About Golf

A.New Perspective On Ambition

The Pilot's Sig

More Dwarf Humor

Yaws (Yet Another Windoze Slam)

Cda-Approved Sig

Collage 243

Flat Cat

Fluffy Rides Again


Stop The Torture Of Innocent Plants!

Animal News Of The Weird

Mad Cows?

Collage 244

Guidelines For Effective Presentations

Quotes That Didn't Make The Final Cut

More Ponderings

Collage 245

Jerry Seinfield On

Collage 246

Guest Moderator Today For A Collage On Jewish Jokes

False Advertising

Revenge, Jewish Style

Simple Economics

On Spotting A Good Deal

Extrication, Defined


Divine Sympathy

Collage 247

You Just Might Be A Graduate Student If

The Need For Education

A.Letter From School

Fun Things For Professors To Do On The First Day Of Class

Collage 248

Stupid-Criminal Hall Of Shame (Version 2) (2.1 As Of 10 May 96)

Collage 249

Dealing With The Irs

Advice On Baby Care

Life Lessons

Collage 250


The Geek Sig

Geek Ponderings

Elephant Crossing, Take Two

Collage 251

The Male Guide To Selecting An Outfit

Anybody Out There?

Collage 252

New Form 1040

Even Newer Form 1040

Collage 253

Pilot Perspectives

Intellectual Pilotariat

Student Pilots

More Student Pilots

On Pattern Recognition

The Cat & Duck Method Of Ifr Flying

The Number One Answer To Not Give Your First-Jump Student

Collage 254

Musical Terms And Country/Western Definitions

Schubert's Unfinished Symphony

The Canonical Music Q-N-A List

House Call

Violin Envy

Thoughts On Opera


Steven Wright On Harmonica

How To Buy A Stereo

New Country-Western Song Titles

Collage 255

How The World Was Created

Important Theological Questions

Collage 256

Dubious Achievement Awards, British Division

Terminal Stupidity

Bad Planning

Police Protection

The Price Of Forgetfulness

How Not To Rob A Bank

Collage 257

Still More Laws

Top Ten Signs Your Brother Is The Unabomber

Unabomber Top Ten Peeves

Private Party

Rejected State Mottos

Collage 258

How Many? (The Long Version)

How To Motivate College Students

More Required Classes

Bad Metaphor

New Concepts

Collage 259

The Blonde's Medical Dictionary

Be Sure To Count Those Instruments

Calling Dr. Doctor"

Cutting Costs

Collage 260

Airline Integrity

Things You Don't Want To Overhear On An Airline P.A. System

Putting It All Into Perspective

Thinning The Faa Herd

Top Five Reasons Why Jessica Dubroff's Plane Crashed

Buzzard Error

Collage 261

Stupidity Abounds

Dumb And Dumber

Future Stupid Criminals, Take One ...

Future Stupid Criminals, Take Two ...

Future Stupid Criminals, Take Three

Stupid And Blind

The Well-Cooked-Criminal Hall Of Shame

The Best-Laid Plans ...

Dubious Achievement Awards, British Division

Collage 262

Everything I Need To Know, I Learned In The Corporate World

The Plan

18 Easy Ways To Stay Unemployed

Collage 263

Understanding Mathematics (Take One)

Understanding Mathematics (Take Two)

Understanding Mathematics (Take Three)

Understanding Mathematics (Take Four)

R.U A Computer Geek? Take This Simple Test

More Geek Humor

Understanding Engineering Professors

Perhaps You Should Consider Finding A New Hobby If ...

Bear Transformations

Collage 264

The Telecom-Reform-Act-Compliant Sig From Hel--Er--Heck

Leading The Pack

Playing It Safe

Horse Sense

Controlling Overpopulation

Mad Lentils

Doing It Right

Famous Last Words

Earthquake Rights

Political Sigs


Internet Bumper Stickers

More Internet Bumper Stickers

Collage 265

Where Is God?

Chauffeur Pope

Doctors As Provisional Deities

Grim Pranks

No Easy Task

Divine Graffiti

Collage 266

Proper Care Of Floppies

America Offline: Welcome Back To Reality!

Where Deleted Characters Go

Collage 267

It Takes A Real Stud Cybermuffin To Handle 'Windows

Wedding-Bell Blues Become Actual Insanity

Collage 268

Muscle Memory

Covering The Kids

The Top 15 Problems Encountered Along The Olympic Torch Route

College Entrance Exam, Football-Player Version

Collage 269

Top Ten Ways Buchanan Celebrated His N.H. Victory

More On Pat Buchanan

How Many Republicans

Freudian Slip

You Might Be A Republican If ...

Supply And Demand

Political Briefs

The Wish Tax

Discerning Democrats And Republicans

Collage 270

Thicker Than Water, Thinner Than Currency

Professional Courtesy

Environmental Waste


Collage 271

Reality Vs. Spirituality

The Top 16 Biblical Ways To Acquire A Wife

Turnabout Is Fair Play

Floating-Point God

Lincoln On Church

Getting Down To Business

Genesis, Chapter 1, Release 3.0

Collage 272

Microsoft Moving To Georgia?

Microsoft Vs. Hell

Making Love To A Pc User Vs. Mac User

Thus Spake Gates

Cluster Activity

One Os To Rule Them

But We Already Knew

American English Wasn't A Language

Collage 273

Cat Bathing As A Martial Art

Basic Rules For Cats Who Have A House To Run

Top 14 Signs Your Kitty May Be Planning To Kill You

Excerpt From Diary Of A Cat

Collage 274

More Internet Bumper Stickers (Geek Version)

If Mathematics Classes Had Reading Lists ...

An Updated Mathematical Reading List

Top 10 Signs You're Addicted To The 'Net

Geeks Ahoy!

Dark Suckers

Collage 275

Photo Finish, Take 1

Photo Finish, Take 2


I'll Have The 'Handcuff' Happy Meal ...

Stupid Criminals, Stupid Cops

Shaken, Rattled, And Shot

But They Smelled Lemony-Fresh ...

Disposable Income

Smoking Kills

Collage 276

What Does The Customer Really Want?

Probably Doesn't Understand 'Dilbert,' Either

Unorthodox Skydiving Practices

Mission From God

Collage 277


How To Speak Southern, Take 1

How To Speak Southern, Take 2

Collage 278

The Ten Usenet Commandments

Sys Admin Help

Handling Cyberisolation

Creative Uses For Computer Peripherals

Reverse Netiquette

Collage 279

Smarthouse 2.0: Diary Of A Future Homeowner

Problem Solving, Engineer Style

Engineer Philosophy

Engineer Philosophy

You Might Be An Engineer ...

The Tachyon Mobile Top Twenty

Collage 280

We Just Grow'em Bigger

Words To Live By

Time Out

Firm Grasp Of The Obvious' Department

More Headlines 280

And More Bumper Stickers

Collage 281

Top Ten Signs You Bought The Wrong Computer

But They Look So Similar ...

Cockpit Trouble

Top 11 Reasons Why Computer Geeks Make Better Husbands

Setting Priorities

Hotel [Berkeley] California

Collage 282

Deep Thoughts, Take One

Deep Thoughts, Take Two

Deep Thoughts, Take Three

Deep Thoughts, Take Four

First Class

Top 10 Kathy Lee Reasons For Using Child Labor In Honduras

A.Totally California State Residency Application... Man...

Fun With Freemen, Take One

Fun With Freemen, Take Two

Collage 283

Mac Of The Month Club

Operation "No Joke"

Collage 284

And You Thought You Were Having A Bad Day, Take 1

And You Thought You Were Having A Bad Day, Take 2

How Not To Die: The Dumbest Deaths In Recorded History

Collage 285

Microsoft Baby

Microsoft To Shorten Name

Z-D Submission/Editorial Guidelines

Wysiwyg, Microsoft Style

The Microsoft Customer-Response Centre

Collage 286

Language Barrier

The Joke's On Whom?

Cheap Labor

Mafia Application

Missing The Point

No Chinese Presidents

Actual American Jokes

Playing It Safe

Collage 287

Computers In Movies: The Standard Cliché List

Movie Critic At Large' Movie Reviews

Rejected Titles For The Movie "Twister"

Things That Will Never Happen On Seinfeld

Movie Translations

Independence Day -- The Sequel

Collage 288

They'll Never Find Us Here

Considerate Criminals

Man Bites Dog!

The Perils Of Poor Pawn-Shop Selection

Extreme Patience

Stupid Job Applicants

Nice Criminals Finish Last

Slow Criminals At Work

Hard Time

Dumb And Dumber

Ode To Prison Life

Collage 289

The Better Part Of Valor

Sled Driver, Take One

Sled Driver, Take Two


Baggage Heaven

Mass-Transit Existentialism

Hot-Shot Pilot

Alien Greetings

Ground Effect


Collage 290

Much Ado About Unsub Fees

Collage 291

Top 15 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers

Top Ten Signs Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password

Equal Opportunity

Take Our Pets To Work Day

Jesus Doesn't Love Everyone

Rising Medical Costs

Hazardous Duty

Recessive Genetics

Collage 292

Math Riots Prove Fun Incalculable

A Modest Proposal

Career Choices

Engineers, Scientists, And Mathematicians, Take One

Engineers, Scientists, And Mathematicians, Take Two

Collage 293

Justification Of Roe Vs. Wade

Guilty By Association

The Darwin Awards

Darwin Roulette

Burning Desire To Tan

Years From Now, They'll Claim They Didn't Inhale ...

Stupidity Update

Dumb And Dumber

Collage 294

Tourists At U.S. National Parks: The Adventure ...

Tourists At U.S. National Parks: The Adventure Continues ...

Collage 295

Ships In The Night

Quasi-Canonical List Of Oxymorons

Decimating The Language

More Newspaper Headlines

Tracing It Back

More Analogies From "The Style Invitational"

Collage 296

Affirmative Spelling

Technical Harassment

Still More Politically-Correct Terms

Unisexing The Internet

Politically-Correct Lightbulb Joke

Hedging Bets 296

Collage 297

Hedging Bets 297

Engaging The Mouth

Murphy In Action

Still Smarter Than The Average Rock

How To Win Friends -- International Version

Sports Bloopers

Cutting To The Quick

Collage 298


From The Mouths Of Babes

Kids' Property Laws

Risky Business

Paybacks, Take 1

Paybacks, Take 2

Nonstandard Creamer

Frustrated Fathering

Collage 299

Microsoft Product-Announcement Template

Where Do You Want To Go Today?

Windoze Tag Lines

More Than Just Market Share

Collage 300

Geek Test: The Long Form

Geek Test: The Short Form

Geek Test: The Entrance Exam

Another Good Use For Kitties: Paradigm Fodder

Scientists Decode The First Message From An Alien Civilization!

Mathematical Proof Of The Obvious

Occupational Hazards

Pipe Specifications

The Engineer And The Programmer

A.Standardized Pun

Darwinism Works For Chemists, Too